Helpful ideas for babies

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Start the day you come home from the hospital—or today if you missed that window. 

 

For babies, think of feeding and sleeping as a cycle.  Instead of having nap times according to the clock, it’s easier to think in cycles. A general rule of thumb for a newborn cycle could be 1.5 hours awake, 1.5 hours asleep with 12 hours sleep at night. Baby will be in “night time mode” even though there will be feeds at night.  Night time mode means you will go in to feed your baby, but will keep the lights off, not talk, and simply put her back in her crib when finished feeding. 

 

For day time cycles, the general rule of thumb is to wake, eat, then play, then sleep again. This helps prevent the baby needing milk every time she goes to sleep. If milk is paired with falling asleep, she’ll want milk to help her fall back asleep mid nap or in the middle of the night, even if she’s not particularly hungry. For breast feeding moms, I would recommend a big feed when the baby first wakes up, and offer the breast later in the awake cycle as well to keep up your supply and to avoid mastitis. Just make sure that you aren’t offering the second feed too close to the next nap time, or in too sleepy of an environment, so that she doesn’t start to pair this feed with the pre-sleep routine.

 

For the majority of naps, put your baby down for nap awake.  Make sleep associations for your baby – sound machine, swaddle/sleep sack, binky, lovey (once they can roll).

 

Keep track of when he goes down, falls asleep, and wakes up.  (I kept notes of when he woke up and when I put him back to bed.  New parents just can’t remember all those details with everything else going on.) 

 

People in general sleep in sleep cycles. Adults often stir or look at the clock and then fall back asleep. Babies also have a sleep cycle --of about 45 minutes. 

Our goal is for them to learn to go back to sleep on their own after their first cycle—for both naps and nighttime.  When they are still little, they may wake up at night because they are hungry, so they should be fed.  But if they just wake up as part of their sleep cycle, and aren’t really hungry, you want them to learn to fall back asleep on their own.

 

There are many different methods people advocate for getting baby to sleep.  What works for you depends on the age of the baby, whether you are bottle or breastfeeding, your past practices (your baby’s expectations) and your own personal preferences. 

 

Some parents go in to pick up, feed and comfort their baby every time he wakes up.  Although they may be happy with this strategy in the early months, eventually it may wear on them as they get little sleep.  They often find the baby doesn’t grow out of this dependency of being comforted even after he no longer needs a night time feeding.

 

I have found that most parents aren’t totally comfortable with just letting the baby cry it out till he falls asleep, though some parents say the stress is worth it for the long term results.

 

Many families that I work with prefer measured intervention when the baby is crying.  I suggest looking at your watch when you put your baby down. If he starts to fuss or cry, wait a certain period of time, say 9 minutes. Reassess at that time.  Does he seem to be crying softer? Or are there periods of quiet between cries? Or it is constant?  If it seems to be lessening, give it another 9 minutes before you reassess.  If the cries are just as loud, you can go into his room and soothe as little as possible to be effective. Depending on their age, temperament and how much/little practice your child has had falling asleep on his own, this might be sneaking in, replacing the binky and sneaking out, shushing while you jiggle him in his crib, or reswaddling him if he worked his way out.  Remember your goal is to get the child to be able to fall asleep on his own, so you’ll want to decrease these interventions with time.

 

Some parents have success with decreasing their interventions to let the baby know they are there, but get her used to soothing herself.  In this method, you first go in after the baby has been crying for 2-3 minutes.  Shush her, pat her back, replace her binky, then leave.  If she cries again, wait 5-6 minutes before going in again.  The next time, wait 10 minutes, continually increasing the time between interventions. 

 

You will be so tempted to just pick up your baby and rock him to sleep to get him to quiet down.  But keep the end goal in sight.  Think how nice it will be to be able to put your baby in the crib and not have to spend hours every day helping him get settled for nap or bedtime.  (Too many parents tell me they spend 30 minutes getting their baby to fall asleep for a 45 minute nap!)

 

Night time feedings

How often to feed at night? Some families look back and realize that they were enabling more frequent feeds that were needed.  This is one of those cases where if you put in the effort in the beginning, you’ll be able to reap the benefits for a long time. When your baby cries in the middle of the night, it’s quickest to feed baby and everyone goes back to sleep. This method (which I did with my first child) often results with a 6 or 8 month old who is used to eating every 3 hours at night and actually consumes more at night than during the day. To avoid this, put the effort in the beginning to stretch baby’s sleep. Try several of the same tactics you use for nap time (give the baby 9 minutes on her own, replace binky, pat baby, shhh near ear, wiggle her slightly). If the baby isn’t that hungry, it’s likely she’ll fall back asleep.

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Toddler strategies

Even if your toddler was a good sleeper as a baby, she may start resisting going to bed as she struggles with becoming more independent.  It is important to let her feel like she has some control—within the limits you set.  You will want to have your standard routine (pick up toys, bath, story, song, etc.) but perhaps allow her to choose the order.  You might allow some choice (1 book or 2 books? bath or shower?).  Often a visual chart she can “check off” as she accomplishes each undertaking will help.  Always keep the end goal in sight—getting him to bed by a specific time, keeping quiet and eventually falling asleep without you coming back in.  (“OK, when we are done with this, then you are going to get in your crib and be all done for the night.”)  I’ve been successful letting my daughter set up toys on a nightstand and telling her she can play with them until she falls asleep, but she has to be quiet.  Some parents have toys or books that can only be played with in the crib to make it more inviting. 

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Typical Schedule by age