Behavior Modification
Most children go through phases—like bedtime drama or reluctance to sit on the potty. Logic tells you as a parent that your child will outgrow this—but can you live that long? I have experience working with dozens of children and families on a day-to-day basis—and lots of different phases! I can help you come up with a plan to get you out of this phase and into a more pleasant one. There are lots of different techniques to help make your household a more peaceful and productive place. Sometimes it involves prevention to avoid the negative outcome. It might be an engaging and empowering visual aid. Often a conversation with your child using the right wording can start to turn things around. I can help you with specific problems plus provide guidance on ways to interact with your children to elicit more positive responses in the future.
My vernacular in how to talk to kids is closely aligned with the book by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk.
Helpful Ideas
Day to day positive reinforcement
The way you talk to your child with everyday interactions can make a big difference in shaping their behavior. One key way is to point out all positive behavior you see. If you see your child is about to do an unfavorable behavior, catch him before he starts by praising the good behavior. For example: Your child is about to run on the pool deck. Shout out “Oh good job walking on the pool deck. That is so safe!”
Especially on a day when you feel all you are seeing is negative actions, make an effort to point out twice as many positive behaviors to your child as your corrections.
Use “I” statements to diffuse situations
You can avoid placing blame on your child, and empower him to resolve situations on his own by explaining what you see and how you feel. Look at the following examples:
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“I see someone standing on the couch. I get nervous that you might fall and get hurt. I’m also worried that the furniture won’t last as long if we are rough with it.”
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“I get worried that your brother will get hurt when I see your arm around his neck.”
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“I see two children whining and tugging at the same toy instead of using their words to work out a solution.”
In some cases, especially with repeated practice, statements like these will be enough to trigger the children to come up with their own desirable outcomes. In others, you will have to lead them through the conversation with additional questions or suggestions, such as “What do you think you could do so…..” or “Perhaps you could…."
Empower children at an early age to make decisions and feel in control
Empower the child to think for herself, problem solve and feel independent. Toddlers and young children love to feel like they have a say, they are in control, and they are important enough to make decisions.
It might be as simple as asking him if he wants to put on his pants or shirt first when getting dressed. Or if she wants to go to the potty before or after she puts on her pajamas. Give your toddler or pre-schooler 2 or 3 options that are both acceptable to you. If she still wants to do something undesirable, you will simply say that is not one of the options.
Behavior Modification
Packages
Packages are customizable based on your family's needs. Examples are below.
"Help us through this phase"
$75
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30 minute face-to-face phone conversation (Skype or FaceTime)
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Discuss problematic behavior your child has adopted.
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Discuss strategies for curbing and eliminating the behavior based on your family's dynamic and the child's temperament and needs
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Follow-up email recapping our conversation with the strategies we discussed and reminders to help you through your child's difficult phase
Stay on Track
$100
Ongoing support, or help through the next phase, is available at a package rate:
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4 parent initiated phone calls (15 minutes), emails or text conversations (15 minutes) over a 2 week period
"Help us get our lives back together"
$500
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90 minute face -to-face phone conversation (Skype or FaceTime)
- Get to know your family, its dynamics and areas you would like help. Discuss problematic behaviors and strategies for curbing and eliminating the behavior based on your child's temperament and needs
- Follow-up email recapping our conversation with the strategies and actionable items we discussed.
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Two 60 minute follow up face-to-face phone conversation
- Assess which ideas and strategies seem to be working best and fine tune the technique for dealing with previously discussed behavior.
- Tackle the next set of behaviors with customized strategies.
- Follow-up email recapping our conversation with the strategies and actionable items we discussed.
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Up to 6 quick email/text questions to keep on track
